LeKen James: My King in Plastic, It’s Fantastic

Alright. So imagine my surprise when I wake up, do a little bit of work, when I get a text from my brother, and what do I see in the little bubble, none other than LeBron James… four-time NBA champ, father of basketball prodigy Bronny, the man who gave us “Taco Tuesday” and my favorite film of all time Space Jam 2 (not really I’d have to say my favorite movie ever is either Dead Poets Society or Good Will Hunting) is now officially a Ken doll. Like, yes, King. May he reign in plastic, too.

This isn’t just any Ken. This is not my cousin’s Malibu Ken (I felt so weird googling this) with the iconic surfboard, because he does beach, and with tan lines. No, no. This is LeBron Raymone James Sr. Ken. And this doll walks into your toy collection like he just dropped 38 points in Year 21 and somehow still had time to help me with my math homework. He’s wearing a custom LJ letterman jacket, some slacks with a cool pattern and well naturally as the king should, some crisp J’s. Actually maybe they’re not Jordan’s but I’m not a sneaker guy like that, I wear Converse and Crocs. But his fit is fresh and his sneaks have to match because of course KenBron doesn’t wear loafers. This man pulls up to the Lakers’ locker room in a three-piece suit and Beats headphones like he’s about to drop both a triple-double and a surprise album like he apparently had the Migos do, years before they even formed. What a man.

Let’s be honest here: this is theeee LeBron. The same man who gave us “Cleveland, this is for you!” The same demigod who once scored 25 straight points in a playoff game like me playing NBA 2K on rookie mode. Now immortalized in (let me do some quick google searching, ChatGPT, some math) roughly 1:6 scale, and looking like he’s about to give the best TED Talk on greatness and then as he is such a King donate 10,000 backpacks to Akron kids for funsies.

And the best part? This is not just Mattell glazing Bron Bron.  But actually looks to be part of a bigger initiative as he is the first part of Barbie’s “Inspiring Leaders” collection. Because let’s face it, this man is more than just an elite hooper. He’s my sunshine.

The doll’s got a flatbrim cap which maybe comes off and reveals that beautiful hair of his, his perfectly shaped beard, and a confident stance.  Where he is ready to walk out of the locker room and walk right into your niece or daughters’ Barbie Dreamhouse to tell their boring Ken that his defense is mid. And if you’re wondering about accessories? Don’t you fret he comes with sunglasses and some headphones because that is what LeKen would want. Kinda surprised about there being no crown. Maybe Mattell thinks Jordan is the goat and we all know who really is.  (I think it’s Jordan just because I really have no opinion, I mean LeBron is great but its also like apples and oranges no? Ahhh I’m just a white kid from suburban Long Island who never really fell in love with basketball because the Knicks were so god awful during my childhood, but is slowly coming back around to the game.  Steve Novak is the true GOAT)

Honestly, I want two of them. One to leave in the box, untouched, preserved like a fine wine. The other to carry around and show to people like, “This is my son. He’s doing amazing things.” I’d keep him in my bag like a support Ken. Feeling anxious? Pull out the LeBron doll. Let his plastic calm wash over you like a chalk toss breeze. And you know what? This LeBron fits in just fine with the other Barbies. I bet in their universe he’s the guy who walks into a room full of astronauts, politicians, athletes and says, “Don’t worry, I brought wine.” HAHAHA Classic LeBron.

This doll is for the kids who watched LeBron in 2007 and stuck with him through Miami villain era, the Cleveland redemption arc, the Lakers bubble title, and now… Kenhood. It’s for the girls who didn’t watch a single NBA game but know the vibes. It’s for the people who understand that LeBron is not just a player, he’s not just LeChina or LeMickey, he’s a cultural institution. A father figure. A meme god. A brand. A belief system. Dare I say my Roman Empire? Nah I’m kidding he’s not, he’s okay.

In conclusion: Barbie made the right call. LeBron deserved this. The only thing missing is a little accessory — maybe a tiny Larry O’Brien trophy, or a miniscule bottle of red wine with “Tuesday” scribbled on the label. Or I mean the Crown.  King James come on.

Until they sell the accessories separately, I may be purchasing this doll, I may be placing it on my desk, and I may spend my days saying good morning to him when I get to work every day like he’s my plastic king, because well…he is.